Sunday, October 23, 2011


trying to be so fucking unique. It's gotten old. And nobody is buying what your selling.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


So over it. I say fuck the wholesome all American girl. I am done seeing the die-hard denim chick with her horrible highlights and pink pudgy face. Where is the sophisticated French woman? Where is lush, luxurious, fabulous? Certainly not found on the vegan soy coffee drinking pastel wearing woman. No more blowouts and 'bling'. No more fake tan, no more baseball caps and beer and high-tops. They claim that the American woman is the modern, working sophisticated woman. Let me tell you, those girls in your feminist class in college with their butch haircuts and starbuck chemical filled 'coffees' are going to be soccer moms. That blue eyed pudgy tink* with her bad highlights and short little legs who seemed to be the embodiment of a free woman is gonna move to the burbs and will probably end up scissoring with a woman from her book club. It's the European woman who has mastered the art of being a lady, flirting, seduction, all VERY powerful tools, much more then Barbara Walters mambo jambo political crap. Of course being educated and well spoken is important and intellect is invaluable, however, as said in MADMEN: Don't ever try to be a man, be a woman, it's powerful business when done correctly. This entire all American look is geared towards an androgynous look, and while that’s liberating and whatnot it's also limiting. The power of the little black dress, as invented by COCO, is to never be taken lightly. And of course a woman can look sexy in a pair of jeans and a shirt, but I'm saying, where did that old school glamour go, and when the hell are women going to wise up to it's power?

*pudgy tink: to help with the terminology

Friday, October 14, 2011


On the J train this afternoon. At what point did you think it would be a good idea to get a "I (hamburger) NY" tat on your wrist. What are you going to say to your kids? Or your grand kids? "Oh yea this is when I was really stupid and on a bunch of drugs"
This is an issue I am serious about. I get heated. It is NOT, I repeat, NOT, okay to get the following:

1. An outline of a heart. What are you, too pussy to get that shit filled in? I mean unless there is a significant reason why you are not getting it filled in, please do not commit this crime. It's wretched. Not only that but it's a retarded tat. Like what are you 2? You couldn't come up with anything more significant in your life to represent who you are so you went for a heart? Are you seriously trying to tell me that the best visual representation of of what you care about/believe in/stand for/pay homage to is a fucking heart tat? Get real. Get a life. Get a brain. If I have to see one more vapid bitch/gay man with a fucking heart tattoo I will first shoot them, then their tattoo artist, then possibly myself.

2. Shapes. Like a fucking rectangle. Because you think it "looks cool". Fuck you, you fucking pretentious little shit. Its a fucking geometric object. I bet you didn't think it was so fucking cool when you were sitting in your geometry class in high school blazed out of your mind. Or like the outline of a triangle, I keep seeing people with this dumb shit. First off if so many people have it, there is no way in hell it can symbolize something interesting. You have just joined a heard of retarded hipsters, congrats.

3. Hello Kitty.

4. Any cartoon at all is completely and utterly unacceptable. If I spot you, RUN.

5. YOUR NAME. What you think your gonna wake up one morning after a night of drinking and forget your own name, your integrity yes, your name? Not so much.

6. Only lil Wayne is allowed to have tattoos on his face.

7. Your pets name/face/paw print. Just don't do it. It's worse then being a cat lady. It pretty much grantees that you will die alone and your pets will eat your dead body.

8. The Chanel logo. As much as I am a DIE HARD fan of coco, there is nothing less Chanel then getting a tat of the Chanel logo. The words tacky, cheap, vapid, retarded, tasteless, materialistic, fashion whore, come to mind.

9. Your sign/element symbol. Listen. Unless you are a scientist who has dedicated his/her life to studying an element, you have no business getting a element symbol. It's stupid. I mean, like, you thought really hard about what you want on your body permanently, like for the rest of your life, and all you came up with is the fact that your astrology sign is a water sign and will then therefore get a tattoo of that somewhere on your body. Get a helmet.
As for your sign. Jesus. Don't get me started. Let's just say I feel ashamed for the mother of that retard.

10. Tramp stamp=whore/stripper

11. Tribal tattoos. Lookie here, unless your family was directly related to the native Americans and y'all still live in a tepee or you were raised by a tribe of Amazonian cannibals or Mongols, you have no business getting a tribal tattoo. Stick to your roots. Not to mention that more then likely the tribe who's tattoo you are getting has been wiped out by your people. Good job.

12. Rainbows.

13. THE APPLE LOGO. Wtf is wrong with you.

14. The NJ Transit logo. I repeat: WTF is WRONG with you??!?!??

15. The outline of the state you are from. Just no.