Okay so I have switched gears. I'm still a complete mess, but at least now I'm a mess that's getting laid. I'm on a new agenda; it's called a fuckathalon. Here is one of the beautiful things about this city, as a woman, you can act like a total dude in the getting laid dept. and NO ONE can say SHIT about it. You are looking at the new queen of one-night stands. One of my one-night stands actually asked me for my number the other day (while giving me a ride lol) and I blatantly turned him down. In his own car.
Well shit I might as well go on and tell the story of my recent sexcapades. I'll start off with a quote from my best friends boyfriend "You have had sex with more people in my apt. Then I have", granted he was already dating my best friend when he moved into the apt so I’ll cut the kid some slack.
Went to the ultimate dj dance party ever where it is pretty much mandatory to have sex on the dance floor. So obv. I pre-gamed at my friends apt. starting at say around 3 in the afternoon, for a party that we are going to at 11 pm...not too early, right? Now I decide that I'm going to get laid one way or the other tonight, so I text my friend, who is also my best friends boyfriend/ the dj at the dance party, asking him, I quote:
"Sooo what do you think the chances of me boning ***** are tonight?"(side note, this person I am speaking of is his roommate and my summer fuck buddy.)
"o but my friend **** really wants to fuck you. He's and awesome dude"
"well ok I could do that have I met him?"
Short story from there, roommate is out of town and this other dude is dtf so I look him up on facebook because I don't remember him. Fuckable. Problem: homeboy lives in Shaolin...uh-hu. So I say to my friend no fucking way am I going back to Staten Island tonight to get laid. He responds with
****bed?" (Referring to roommate who I have previously fucked and was originally trying to fuck that night)
So there I am with a glass of wine in one hand, a j on one side of my mouth and the phone in the other hand trying to figure out if I morally give a fuck about fucking a random dude in my previous fuck buddies bed....answer is :No. So I tell him I'm down thanks for the offer.
The rest of the night plays out pretty well, we get drunk, dance hard, go back to my friends house, he is staying with my best friend that night so the apt is empty and new dude and I get it on. Next morning, I'm trying to get out of there pronto however we need to give the keys back to my friend who is just two blocks down so we go to meet him and give him the keys. Then I say I'm gonna split. At which point I realize the L is down and I can't get the fuck out of Bushwick. One-night-stand buddy then suggests, let's all get breakfast together and then he can drive me to where I need to go. Annoyingly nice. Okay fine, thank god my friend is there because I would not have gone otherwise. After breakfast we get to his car start driving and he jokingly says something along the lines of having too many friends already otherwise he would ask me for my number. I grin painfully, then he follows up with, I'm just joking and looks’ at me like he is waiting for my number, and I simply pretend to not notice and look out the window awkwardly. This is what is called a douchebag move, and I’m proud ;)
Now let’s skip on over to Monday night.
Monday night the roommate/summer fuck buddy/now turned friend, has a record release party happening (he is a musician, surprise!), which I am invited to and go. Once there I run into my dj friend/bf’s boyfriend because it’s his roommate and he is obviously going go to his roommates record release party. Now I start contemplating, what if I slept with the musician tonight since he was out of town the other night?!? Is that too scandalous? Two different men over the course of three days?? I’m sure worse has happened, we are in New York, I’ll let my slut flag fly. I ask my friend what he thinks my chances are of sleeping with his roommate tonight and he, being the awesome homie (and now officially my ‘need to get laid’ agent) he is, does a little magic and comes back to me with two thumbs up (I’m sorry my friends are better then yours). Post record release party we are somewhere in LES at some underground bar where it just so happens that they are playing awesome music and we run into a whole bunch of other friends and continue on in a drunken happy state of dancing and PDA until we cab it back to Bushwick and I get me some sweet action. Morning comes around, and let me just say, they always say breakfast is the most important meal of the day for a reason. After that I put myself together in the speed of light and book it.
There you are. A triathlon of fucking this past weekend.
Cuming soon with more scandals to this blog on an interwebz near you,