Seriously?
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Hiatus
I'm sorry this blog is going to get horribly boring since I am now seeing/dating (what is the difference)? A great guy and everything else in my life is going pretty peachy. Kind of an amazing change of pace. I'll be back when it gets nasty, which it always does.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Just Another Floozy Wannabe Bukowski
Under a pink blossom tree
amidst a fog
there were two holding hands
and a dog
taking a steaming piss
as the two kissed
- Tuesday March 20th 2012, after midnight
amidst a fog
there were two holding hands
and a dog
taking a steaming piss
as the two kissed
- Tuesday March 20th 2012, after midnight
Monday, March 19, 2012
Gee Golly Whiz
Holly Molly can it be? Have I actually met a decent guy? One who takes me out on real dates picks me up and holds the door for me and want's to cook for me? Woah..someone pinch me. More soon...
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The Wicked Witch of Bushwick
Okay so I have switched gears. I'm still a complete
mess, but at least now I'm a mess that's getting laid. I'm on a new agenda;
it's called a fuckathalon. Here is one of the beautiful things about this city,
as a woman, you can act like a total dude in the getting laid dept. and NO ONE
can say SHIT about it. You are looking at the new queen of one-night stands.
One of my one-night stands actually asked me for my number the other day (while
giving me a ride lol) and I blatantly turned him down. In his own car.
Well shit I might as well go on and tell the story
of my recent sexcapades. I'll start off with a quote from my best friends
boyfriend "You have had sex with more people in my apt. Then I have",
granted he was already dating my best friend when he moved into the apt so I’ll
cut the kid some slack.
Saturday:
Went to the ultimate dj dance party ever where it
is pretty much mandatory to have sex on the dance floor. So obv. I pre-gamed at
my friends apt. starting at say around 3 in the afternoon, for a party that we
are going to at 11 pm...not too early, right? Now I decide that I'm going to
get laid one way or the other tonight, so I text my friend, who is also my best
friends boyfriend/ the dj at the dance party, asking him, I quote:
"Sooo what do you think the chances of me
boning ***** are tonight?"(side note, this person I am speaking of is his
roommate and my summer fuck buddy.)
"o but my friend **** really wants to fuck
you. He's and awesome dude"
"well ok I could do that have I met him?"
"yea"
Short story from there, roommate is out of town and
this other dude is dtf so I look him up on facebook because I don't remember
him. Fuckable. Problem: homeboy lives in Shaolin...uh-hu. So I say to my friend
no fucking way am I going back to Staten Island tonight to get laid. He
responds with
"bathroom?
****bed?" (Referring to roommate who I have
previously fucked and was originally trying to fuck that night)
So there I am with a glass of wine in one hand, a j
on one side of my mouth and the phone in the other hand trying to figure out if
I morally give a fuck about fucking a random dude in my previous fuck buddies
bed....answer is :No. So I tell him I'm down thanks for the offer.
The rest of the night plays out pretty well, we get drunk, dance hard,
go back to my friends house, he is staying with my best friend that night so
the apt is empty and new dude and I get it on. Next morning, I'm trying to get
out of there pronto however we need to give the keys back to my friend who is
just two blocks down so we go to meet him and give him the keys. Then I say I'm
gonna split. At which point I realize the L is down and I can't get the fuck
out of Bushwick. One-night-stand buddy then suggests, let's all get breakfast
together and then he can drive me to where I need to go. Annoyingly nice. Okay
fine, thank god my friend is there because I would not have gone otherwise.
After breakfast we get to his car start driving and he jokingly says something
along the lines of having too many friends already otherwise he would ask me
for my number. I grin painfully, then he follows up with, I'm just joking and
looks’ at me like he is waiting for my number, and I simply pretend to not
notice and look out the window awkwardly. This is what is called a douchebag
move, and I’m proud ;)
Now let’s skip on over to Monday night.
Monday night the roommate/summer fuck buddy/now turned friend, has a
record release party happening (he is a musician, surprise!), which I am
invited to and go. Once there I run into my dj friend/bf’s boyfriend because
it’s his roommate and he is obviously going go to his roommates record release
party. Now I start contemplating, what if I slept with the musician tonight
since he was out of town the other night?!? Is that too scandalous? Two
different men over the course of three days?? I’m sure worse has happened, we
are in New York, I’ll let my slut flag fly. I ask my friend what he thinks my
chances are of sleeping with his roommate tonight and he, being the awesome
homie (and now officially my ‘need to get laid’ agent) he is, does a little
magic and comes back to me with two thumbs up (I’m sorry my friends are better
then yours). Post record release party we are somewhere in LES at some
underground bar where it just so happens that they are playing awesome music
and we run into a whole bunch of other friends and continue on in a drunken
happy state of dancing and PDA until we cab it back to Bushwick and I get me
some sweet action. Morning comes around, and let me just say, they always say
breakfast is the most important meal of the day for a reason. After that I put
myself together in the speed of light and book it.
There you are. A triathlon of fucking this past weekend.
Cuming soon with more scandals to this blog on an interwebz near you,
oxoxo
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