So those who know me know that I don’t keep up with
fashion and what is in and what is not. If you ask me about where to go shop
and what the hottest name in fashion is I will stare back at you like a deer in
headlights. However, if you ask me about classic pieces, I can write you a
dissertation.
I also have no idea what the best beauty brands, the
best creams, best washes, best exfoliates best whatever the fuck else you put
on your face to make sure your face remains at 22 forever. But I know ALL about natural fixes. Now
I will admit that due to me anxiety I have cystic acne and have to go to a
dermatologist to make sure I don’t get tumor sized bump. But black heads, white
heads, pores, dry skin flaky skin, combination skin, oily skin, puffy eyes,
dark circles, skin discoloration, sun spots and whatever the fuck else you can
think of for face and hair, I have an all natural fix for that will save you
some mega bucks instead of buying whale sperm, gold speckles, diamond dusted
micro sized jar of mambo jumbo fixer that takes “6 weeks” to show improvement.
Okay so you can look great by the time of your wake. Every month I do a full on
spa at home takes about max 3hrs if you really take your time. Up keep is very
important and if you can spend 3 hours at a bar every weekend then you sure as
fuck better figure out a way to spend some time fixing what you broke.
Number one: multitasking is your best friend. There is a
lot that needs to be done so you need to have a routine. Here is mine: usually before
I wash my hair I spread bergamot oil (really healthy for your roots and grows
in stronger healthier hairs) all through the routes to the tips and wash it out
then do a quick body wash. Aveeno is AMAZING. It’s natural, no residue, and
there is this calming lavender one that I’m smitten with, also has great
moisturizing agents for flakey dry skin (MOI) and won’t over moisturize for
oily skin (moi during the summer, weird I know).
Once this is done I do a hair mask; ingredients: 2 eggs,
1 cup olive oil, 1 cup almond oil, 2 opened capsules of liquid vitamin B mix
all together. Prepare before
getting in shower. Duh. Once you spread the mask all over comb it through to
make sure it really has spread and twist into a bun on the top of your head if
you have long hair, or tie back so its not touching your body/face. I keep the hair mask in for a minimum
of 20 mins.
While your hair mask is in can do your body soak as well
as facials.
Before you do anything else dry your body off and exfoliate
your body with exfoliating gloves (drug store), always go from top down, never
up and down. I mean you wont die but this does a few very helpful things. Its
gets your circulation moving, it pushes the extra water weight you carry around
down through your lymph nodes so you sweat it out easier during your shower,
also it’s the best way to rid your skin of unwanted flakes. I saved the best
perk for last: helps with cellulite. Here is how it works, cellulite is lumps
of hardened fat that sit on top of your muscle instead off embedded in it, thus
its harder to rid of, however not impossible. Once your get your blood flow
going and your skin warm, not just your body temperature but your actual skin,
the cellulite little by little can diminish back into the muscle, but it needs
to be massaged in. You know how on cellulite cream it says “rub in really well”
well that’s why for the most part, not because this bullshit product you are
using has tiny magic elves that work into your skin and rid you of your orange
peel ass. You don’t need to spend forever on this; I usually like to do two
rounds starting from the arms down, takes about a min to do. This may not be
good for everyone if you have really thin, sensitive skin. In which case I
would suggest a damp warm washcloth. After you have de-flaked, fill up your tub
and add: 2 cups oatmeal mixed with milk so its all yucky and mushy, few drops
of lavender, jasmine, and vanilla oil, half cup of almond oil. Now obv. I don’t
go around measuring these things but I have been doing it ever since I can
remember so I eyeball it, which is what I suggest you do.
Keep a basin of clean water next by, or a few, and a
wash cloth, to wash off your facial with.
Once you are in your tube wash your face with the
mixture and make sure you get it all off and your face dry.
Next you use a mask. This thing is AMAZING. You can find
it at Ricky’s or a drug store. Its called Aztec healing clay mask and it’s
all-natural. This shit is gods gift to man. It will clear out your pores, ride
you of your acne and get rid of any flaky weird shit happening. I have
combination skin, my oily t zone gets very oily and my dry spots get very dry,
so anyone wondering if this is too harsh on your face, fret not. Also if you
read the instructions you can do 10, 15, or 20 mins. It comes in powder form and it’s a big ass jar for nine
bucks a pop. You can mix it with water or raw apple cider vinaigrette, which I
prefer. Once you are done with your facemask start to drain your tube and as it
drains wash off the mask. Because this mask does so much all at once you are
probably going to find that you don’t need too much more work to get your face
in tip-top shape. I like to first do a luke warm milk rinse to calm down any
irritation that might have occurred, also its just full of great vitamins and tightens
up your skin, if you are having baggy eyes this is a great remedy. After your
rinse and your tube has emptied out turn on your shower and wash out your hair.
You will feel a difference immediately. Use a light shampoo like Johnson’s baby
wash to get rid of the entire gunk. You don’t want to use crazy brands just
because they leave a residue of chemicals that you don’t want and your hair
looks like a sad limp broom.
At this point you can hop out of your shower.
A key point: your bathroom should remain like a steam
room till the end. So we are talking about hot water. I mean don’t burn
yourself but push it to your limit. This way all of your pores open up, your
circulation gets moving, things you put on your body are soaked in easier and
your skin is more elastic.
Once out, the first thing you do is pour out a tiny bit
of bergamot oil into the palm of your hand, rub together till warm and soaked
into your hand. This stuff is potent so for people with oily roots/fine
hair/straight hair (guess who, yet again) you only want to have a light residue
left on your hands and work from your tips up to roots. While at it give your
self a nice scalp massage, to really get the oil in and wake up your roots. Why
do you think grannies always tell you to brush your hair like a hundred times
before bed? Its all about the scalp action, massaging will help promote hair
growth. I usually let my hair
air-dry. Blow drying after all that effort defeats the purpose, you didn’t just
put all that weird shit in your hair just to burn it all in the end. Towel dry
it as best you can and by the time your dressed and out the door it will be dry
anyway, esp. if it’s the first thing you do once out of the shower.
Next comes your face. I am addicted to witch-hazel
(again found at drug stores, 5 bucks for a decent size). It is truly magic. And
you only need a little bit. What this does is works as an anti inflammatory
agent and astringent. It’s the purest form of a toner you can get. It’s also
very soothing for stressed and tired skin. A lifesaver for those with an oily
t-zone. Though I would say keep it away from eye area, it can burn. My skin
stays a healthy normal complexion all day after this stuff. Next we have the eyes. This is the
first thing I came up with partially on my own and hasn’t been handed down to
me from god knows where. I keep this remedy in a jar in my fridge, the cold
really does a number for bags and dark circles. Cucumber (the center where its
jelly like with all the seeds) and Turmeric paste mixed together. You will have
to crush the cucumber seeds and make sure the jelly like part is not clumpy and
can be applied evenly. When creating the mixture think, for every two teaspoons
of cucumber jelly stuff one teaspoon of paste, you want it to be gelatin like
so when applying its only a light film under your eye and over your eye lid. If
you don’t know what Turmeric is, well wiki it, it does a lot of great stuff,
from anti inflammatory to anti aging, also heals sunspots, and works as an
anti-oxidant. Again found at your drug store for a couple bucks. I actually
have it in liquid form as well and add a few drops into half a glass of water
every night. It tastes not good :-/ but really helps for inflamed muscles or
getting ride of extra water weight you might have gotten from salty or spicy
foods (cankles are not a good look).
You can also mix the paste with rose water and use as an alternative
toner, though it might have a slight tan to it (it comes from the ginger family
and is used for saffron and creating curries in it’s culinary use). In terms of
moisturizer I actually just use tea tree oil mixed with almond oil. It should
be used very very sparingly and it might take you a couple tries till you
figure out the best amount for your skin. Tea tree is great because it does a
ton of good things for your skin to keep it healthy and vibrant, though keep
away from eye area, though it is an oil it dose not sit like an oil, it can feel
acidic and burning at time when it’s not mixed in enough with almond oil. I say
use almond oil because it is one of the lightest oils there is and won’t leave
your face greasy, just fresh and natural. If you found yourself having applied
too much instead of wiping off, blot gently with a cotton ball till you feel
happy with the amount left on. You can also use grape-seed, which I hear great
things about though it is harder to come across and is more expensive.
And you are done. All natural gal.
Few things I didn’t mention:
Great eye masque: plain old cold yogurt. Gets rid of
bags and moisturizes the fuck out of your peepers. Keep on for 10-15 mins. Rinse with luke warm water and
moisturize as regular.
Also, super old school trick, tea bags. Earl grey, or
any sort of black tea, has caffeine in it, which once absorbed by your skin
tightens up, and bam no more puffy eyes, also great for circulation. I’m sure
you have heard how just today scientists are finding that caffeine when applied
to skin can keep it looking young. Yea my great granny could have told you that
and she was no doctor, just a mother of five. The story behind this is as
follows: when I was little my eyes would get super itchy and puffy and red, it
turned out I was deathly allergic to our cat. But my mom would warm up a cup of
water; dip the tea bag in for a few secs, then put it over my eyes. It was
instant relief, you have to keep dipping it back in though, the warmth allows
the caffeine to release, I would say let sit for about 5-10 mins. Apparently
she had the same kind of issue when she was younger during the spring season
and her granny would put tea on her eyes.
Another masque that I love love love but is messy: get
your bathroom all steamed up and apply molasses or pure honey all over your
face, minus eyes, but include lips!. I picked this up from some older Cuban
ladies who went to my gym and we sat together in the steam room. They would
pull out jars of this stuff and put it on and sit there for 30 mins. They swore
by it and when they washed it off their skin looked so fresh and healthy. I
mean their skin always looked great, I’m sure they had many other home remedies
I don’t know about to keep them looking that way. If you have a gym take it
with you into the steam room, or the sauna, both do wonders for tightening up
your skin and pores.
Well I think those are all my secrets for now, if I
think of any more I will add on a part 2! Let me know if you try one of these
and how it worked for you!!