lazey bones

I been slacking on my rants I realize and the reason for that is because I have shut my self into a panic room because my life is scaring the living shit out of me at the moment (perhaps I should say as always).

Obviously this means I have some good material to rant about.

Relationships are pretty much the beginning of the end of your life. You stop shaving, you get a little chubbs, you drink a little too much and for some reason meg ryan is not as annoying as before and you find your self relating to sally field and mia farrow in pretty much all of woody allens movies. Not to mention the fact that you start to watch woody allen movies. For the fifth time. Not a good look people. As if being in a relationship is not turmoil enough for your poor little broken soul the inevitable breakup happens. That’s when you want to create a pair of gigantic sunglasses that hide your face MKA style and can also magically play Netflix so not only a.) does nobody have to see your tear ridden, blotchy, puffed up sorry excuse of a face but b.) you don’t have to deal with the struggle of getting your heavy, sad, miserable body from it’s spot where you have probably left permanent body prints on to change a channel or put on a movie. During those times simple tasks such as these seem unbearable and could take you up to 20 mins to even lift up your arm. You also wish you could hook up your arm to a bottle filled with any sort brown liquor and lay in an edible bed of cheese puffs and an assortment of Italian deli meats. The thought of ever even dating is nauseating and putting on anything besides sweat pants is not an option. And that, my friends, is the truth about dating and relationshits.

Let’s talk about this idea of “meeting your ‘one’ a little too early in life”. Oh wait, do you, do you smell that? Dear god almighty I think it’s the smell of BULLSHIT. Here is the deal. Sometimes couples fall in love when they are in their young 20’s and then one of them might start to wonder “oh am I in the right place in my life to be doing this should I be experiencing life more blah blah blah” the usual bullshit we all know. All of this mumbo jumbo is BS. If you think that the person you are with is the one for you, then hold on to that shit and never let go. Its kinda like jumping out of a plan hugging each other and not really knowing if the parachute will catch you or not, and even then you still hit the ground with a hard blow. But the fact is that in life we are all being thrown off a plan towards our death, to be perfectly morbid and pessimistic, and there is that insane in between part where you get to fly, now you can either do it alone or you can do it with the one you love. In the whole spectrum of life and eternity your life is miniscule and short and probably irrelevant. Love on the other hand ties into eternity and life and is much much greater then our tiny little heads can cope with. So no, there is no “right time” to be falling in love, or to have a serious relationship. These things happen and if by some great chance you are lucky enough to have it happen with the right person then you hold on to that shit like it’s the last thing you got, because at the end of the day when we are all old and icky, that is all you got. Life is never gonna come up to you and say “oh hey, yea dude so this would probably be a good time to fall in love, I can see in your forecast that your job is gonna be stable, your family and you are in good health and non of your friends are having some sort of psychotic breakdown, so yea you can probably go ahead and do that thing now”. Love is not an extra curricular activity. If your in it you are IN it, you cant run away and hide from it and pretend like its not there, that shit will haunt you till you get over the person you are in love with or cope with whatever is holding you back. But basically what I’m getting at is that there is no such thing as “not a good time for a relationship” (I mean unless you have serious mental issues or someone in your life is dying, but like having a shitty job and your cat’s diabetes is not a good enough reason to skip train). Usually that excuse means your balls and dick have receded into your body so that now you are one giant pussy and in the case of females you simply suck at life and no one really likes the bitchy alpha robo female. Not cute. It seems my personal views on relationships and love are right now at a tug of war where one side of me is a die hard believer in love can conquer all and the other side is saying the heartbreak is so not worth the lbs and emotional bs.

Ughh.