GRINCH

I’m not gonna lie…I’m kind of a Grinch when it comes to Christmas. I used to love it when I was younger, I’m not gonna deny that I would be the first one to put on Frank Sinatra’s Christmas music and look forward to roasted chestnuts but these days the only kind of roasting I want to do is the retarded DJ’s nuts who put on that sappy Christmas music. I hate the bustle of shopping for gifts. I hate the fucking cold weather. Fuck. That. Shit. And the goddamn Santa with the fucking bell jingling for the salvation army making me feel like shit for not donating the 2 cents I have left in my pocket after having gotten the giant sized starbucks cancer coffee. I mean come on…

Most of all I HATE being alone during the holidays. It’s the worst. It’s as though every single little thing was geared toward couple activities. What is up with that? Like ‘share the warmth and joy of gift giving’- crappy JCPenny commercial with a corny republican looking couple with the man giving diamond earrings while she gives him socks or some shit. It’s as though they are about to start promoting shit like ‘hey wait in line together for the bathroom! Its holiday cheer!’ or ‘take a shit together while holding hands, how special, Nikon coolpix will capture all of your warmest memories’. Please someone choke me. I wince at the sight of couples holding hands skating about and though I myself would rather slit my throat with a ice skating blade then do that with my man friend it still makes me a little jealous of their saccharin happiness. Despite knowing that after they have their hot coco, wipe the foam off each other’s noses, and go home to have average sex, being that all of these things cause me nausea, I am still jealous. And ever so irritated at myself for being jealous. My idea of spending a good time during the holidays with my man friend is being bundled up on a comfy couch with a couple 40’s, cheap Chinese food and South Park’s Christmas specials. That brings warmth to my heart and would make me immensely happy. And only at this point would I entertain the notion of holiday cheer.

As far as I am concerned I’m going into hibernation and doing my best to avoid people for the next few months, at least till it all thaws out.  And no I will not be attending your stupid holiday parties where everyone wears those horrid holiday sweaters.